Previous story : River of No Return - My Billings, Montana Days -

Page of Swords & The High Priestess, vol.3

Before I tell you about my reunion with Barry Epstein, let me tell you a story from my days as a go-getter entrepreneur. But first, let me tell you a little more about my life in Billings, Montana, especially as it relates to "learning".

Needless to say, I was particularly focused on improving my English conversation skills. So, I enjoyed many pleasant conversations with the GREEN family at dinner and other occasions, had nature dates with Barry Epstein, and played with many of my other classmates.

I also often watched TV with them at the GREEN family home. When I was a member of the GREEN family in Billings, Montana, from 1990 to 1991, Michael Jordan's CHICAGO BULLS made it to the NBA Finals and then beat Magic Johnson's LOS ANGELES LAKERS. I used to watch Lyle and the CHICAGO BULLS play a lot. We clapped our hands and screamed with joy at their super plays. Lyle had played basketball in college and loved it. However, he was a fan of UTAH JAZZ point guard John Stockton, considered by many to be the greatest "Assist King" in NBA history. I watched many times when Karl Malone, "The Mailman," took a pass from John Stockton and dunked on it. I will never forget the look of joy on Lyle's face.

As I got used to life in the U. S., my desire to go to an American university grew stronger and stronger. At the same time, however, I was a little worried that I would not be able to keep up with the lectures at an American university. It occurred to me that I might not know if I would be able to keep up with higher education at a university that must deal with difficult concepts, even if I received a "Level A" grade of 860 or higher on the "Test of English for International Communication" commonly known as "TOEIC". Thus, I wanted to see what I was capable of, so I went to visit the University of Montana College of Business. And I met with Joel Lewis, a business professor and friend of Lyle Green.

I frankly told Professor Joel Lewis that I wanted to start a successful business in the U. S. and that my own dream was to go to college in the U. S. to study business. I explained to him that I had come to seek his advice because I wanted to find out what I currently lacked in order to achieve this goal. He assessed my English conversation skills and said that there seemed to be nothing wrong with my English-related skills in general. He then recommended that I read his many book recommendations on business administration before entering a U. S. university, "if you are willing," he said. His list of book recommendations was excellent, and was very useful to me later, after I started my own business.

Then he said I should become familiar with two things.

One is about "computers". At that time, it was still the "MS-DOS" era, and at home in Yokohama, my younger brother asked my father to buy him a computer and he was using spreadsheets such as "Lotus 1-2-3". In Japan, I often heard the term "Information Society" in the 80s, and in the U. S., a music unit called Information Society had a hit song called "What's on Your Mind (Pure Energy)" in 1988. In Japan, however, most people did not understand what the term "Information Society" meant, and that was the same for me. Now, Professor Joel Lewis elaborated on a vision of the future of information and communications that I had not fully grasped. It was an accurate prediction of what would happen with the development of the "Internet" environment that would actually arrive after 1995. It was this knowledge that pushed me to co-found "Nu-Era Pics" with Angie Kendall.

The next thing he said one should be familiar with was "investments." In particular, he said one should be well versed in stock trading. However, he said, you should not do "day trading".

Invest in a company's stock to support a company that serves society, hold it for the long term, and when it pays dividends, use the dividends to buy more shares to compound the interest.

This was his teaching. He taught me how to evaluate basic balance sheets, income statements, cash flows, and other numbers. He also gave me a list of recommended books on investing, which I greatly enhanced my knowledge by reading them.

He told me to gain investment experience and become an excellent investor, indirectly solving many social issues by supporting innovative startups of passionate entrepreneurs. "Passionate entrepreneurs" was an important keyword. He told me that while the numbers were important, the humanity and spirituality of the entrepreneur was more important, and that I needed to constantly strive to improve my own spirituality to see the quality in entrepreneurs.

I was and am very grateful to Professor Joel Lewis. I visited his lab at the University of Montana College of Business many times before returning to Japan, and I was also invited to his home and treated to dinner prepared by his wife Ethel. Everything for dinner was very good, but I will never forget the sweets, namely the "Apple Pie"!

I followed Professor Joel Lewis's advice and began buying his recommended books during my stay in Billings, and I also began analyzing U. S. publicly traded companies using economic journals and newspapers. The results of my analysis were evaluated by Professor Joel Lewis. That role of his was taken over by my grandfather Tatsuo Tsukida after I returned to Yokohama. When I returned to Japan, I resumed my studies for the university entrance exam, but at the same time I borrowed my younger brother's IBM computer and learned a lot about what could be done with it and how it would affect society. I was lucky that while I was in Montana, my younger brother got bored with the computer and left it in the dust! I then read a series of books recommended by Professor Joel Lewis. In addition, I did not neglect to analyze Japanese listed companies and show them to my grandfather. What a busy high school student! My grandfather owned a lot of stocks. And since he didn't do "day trading" either, he praised Professor Joel Lewis' advice as a good one.

One day, my grandfather gave me the opportunity to study the teachings of Professor Joel Lewis in a practical way. He said to me, "I give you a million yen." That does not mean he gave me a wad of a million yen. He meant, "Imagine building a Portfolio within a million yen." It was my grandfather himself who actually bought the stocks I recommended. He allowed me to experiment and see how Portfolio would turn out with 1 million yen. I returned to Yokohama in the summer of 1991, when Japan was in the process of completely collapsing into a Bubble Economy. It was convenient for me to find a quality company with sound management. Also, 1 million yen was an exquisite amount of money: for a Japanese girl in her late teens, it was a lot of money, but for a retail investor who traded stocks on a daily basis, it was not a lot of money. It was an amount of money that would not cause serious injury. Incidentally, my grandfather's Portfolio was made up of only stocks that he had owned for a very long time, so when the Bubble Economy collapsed, it did not cause any problems. And as for the stocks I recommended, I am not bragging, but I say that it was a visionary choice that strengthened and benefited my grandfather's Portfolio.

Well, the winter of 1992 has come. From January to March, many Japanese high school students take entrance exams for various universities. I had decided to apply to the University of Tokyo's Bunka II program. By "Bunka II" I mean the Faculty of Economics. I was also considering applying to private universities such as Waseda University and Keio University's economics department as a so-called "SuBeRi-DoMe/second and third choice" measure. On the other hand, however, my grandfather allowed me to experiment with putting together my own Portfolio for 1 million yen, which strengthened my desire to return to the U. S. as soon as possible to study business in a more practical way. Japan was the second largest GDP country in the world, but I could not imagine Japanese universities training entrepreneurs. However, it was a common-sense decision to go to a Japanese university to study economics or business administration first. There were scholarships available in Japan for students who wanted to enter graduate schools in the U. S., but there were no scholarships for students who wanted to enter universities at that time. I am not sure if there were any if I looked hard enough, but I could not find any.

My father was a local government employee, and although I believe he was well on his way up, he did not earn enough money to send his daughter to university in the United States. Since I had gotten into trouble just for going to high school in Billings, Montana, for a year, it was obvious how angry he would be if I told him I wanted to go to university in the United States. Moreover, I was aiming for Leland Stanford Junior University. This was going to require a lot, a lot, lot of money. By the way, it was Professor Joel Lewis who said I should go to Leland Stanford Junior University. He said.

• If you are thinking of starting a business in Japan, come back to Montana and study with me. I would welcome you very much. But you say you want to start a business and succeed in the United States. Then you should go to Leland Stanford Junior University. Silicon Valley is there.

I was thrilled to hear that. I decided to go to Leland Stanford Junior University. But I couldn't see any practical way to do that, so I decided that I should probably go to a Japanese university first. I did not tell my parents or younger brother about such a hope, but I did tell my grandfather, Tatsuo Tsukida, a little about it. Now, in order to apply to the University of Tokyo, we have to pass two examinations. The first exam, called the "National Center Test for University Admissions," was scheduled for Saturday, January 11 and Sunday, January 12. After the exam on Sunday, I met up with my grandfather and we went to have dinner at "CENTER GRILL," a Western-style restaurant near my home. What I had at the "CENTER GRILL," was always the same: Omelette stuffed with Rice. My grandfather told me to bring my dearest friend, so I called Toko Akazawa. Me, my grandfather and Toko had a great time for dinner.

Over dinner, my grandfather asked us what our dreams were for the future. Toko, who had already graduated from high school during the period I was studying in Billings, Montana, had already returned from Kyoto and was attending "Setsu Mode Seminar", an art school in Funamachi, Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo. Many world-renowned talents emerged from "Setsu Mode Seminar," where most of the classes consisted mainly of practical skills in drawing and tableau. Graduates of "Setsu Mode Seminar" marketed themselves with their works on file and obtained employment. Toko, too, had a dream of doing the same, joining one of the design firms and eventually becoming independent and establishing her own design firm to work on a global scale. However, according to Toko's explanation, usually everyone goes to an art college and then to the "Setsu Mode Seminar". However, she did not go to an art college because she wanted to make her mother's life easier and wanted to start working and earning money as soon as possible. She told me that frankly, but I lied a little bit. I explained that I wanted to go to the U. S. right now, but that I wanted to go to the University of Tokyo, then to an American university, and then to start a business in the U. S.

I thought I was too much of a child compared to Toko. She was earning all of her money to attend "Setsu Mode Seminar" by working part-time jobs in restaurants, etc. I was willing and able to work hard to learn the many skills needed to run a lucrative business, but I did not have a strategy on how to raise the money needed to actually go to university in the United States. I had no idea how to make my dream come true straight away, so I decided to go to a Japanese university, which I did not feel was worth going to. And for tuition and other expenses, I just relied on the money my father earned. I remember feeling a little sad. Nevertheless, I continued to study hard in order to pass the entrance exam for the University of Tokyo. In fact, I was accepted into the University of Tokyo's 's Bunka II program.

On the night of the acceptance announcement, my grandfather rode into our home with great enthusiasm. My father had come home early that day. My mother was cooking a sumptuous meal. My younger brother, of course, was there, too. With everyone present for my acceptance dinner, my grandfather said emphatically and quickly, leaving no room for anyone to interject, "Yukiko is not going to University of Tokyo."

• Yukiko will go to Leland Stanford Junior University. I have already prepared the money for that. I have organized and prepared Portfolios. I will let Yukiko study business. Yukiko has all the qualities to be a successful entrepreneur. There is nothing for her to learn at University of Tokyo. She has a talent for business that is as good as many of the entrepreneurs I have seen. She also will be a successful investor. The companies Yukiko invests in and successfully IPOs may solve many of the world's problems. The world would be missing out on something if I did not send Yukiko to Leland Stanford Junior University now. I, as an old man, do not stand idly by and watch it happen.

My grandfather saw me listening to Toko's dream, and sensing that I was depressed because I wanted to go to the U. S. right now but couldn't bring myself to say it, he arranged the money for me. I cried and told my parents.

I am sorry. I will not go to University of Tokyo. I will go to Leland Stanford Junior University, study business, become an entrepreneur, and succeed.

So, I decided not to go to University of Tokyo. I promised my grandfather that I would start my own business as soon as possible, succeed, and pay him back.

I went to Leland Stanford Junior University in 1993 and studied business there. In November 1995, I started "Nu-Era Pics", a website development company in Silicon Valley with a classmate, Angie Kendall, who was into "Computer Online Services". In other words, Windows 95 was introduced and the "ICT Revolution" was underway. Angie saw a tremendous opportunity and approached me.

It's great! It's a great opportunity!

We definitely need to start a business now!

Angie Kendall and I became friends immediately after I enrolled. About a week into my time at Leland Stanford Junior University, she approached me and said, "Hi, Yukiko". Hey, let's go out for tofu burritos! I know a great place. I had no idea what a tofu burrito was. What's a tofu burrito?

What? You're Japanese, right? Why would a girl from the land of tofu not know about tofu burritos?

As such, I went with Angie Kendall for a very tasty tofu burrito! We hit it off right away because I was eager to learn more about ICT and I asked her a lot of questions. Her father is a PhD in computer engineering and she herself enjoys "Computer Online Services". I am friends with a girl who has such a wonderful backbone. Nothing in my college life had ever driven me more crazy. I felt the door open to great possibilities! Over a delicious tofu burrito, I explained to her the vision of the soon-to-be "Information Society" that Professor Joel Lewis had taught me about. Angie Kendall agreed completely, but told me that there were some technology challenges. She also explained exactly what kind of technology innovations Microsoft was working on to solve those challenges. Well, we became good friends and, of course, I became a huge fan of tofu burritos, LOL. From then on, we always spent time together. We taught each other to develop the best in each other. Then came 1995, and on November 5th we founded "Nu-Era Pics". The name "Nu-Era Pics" is a play on the phrase "Picking a New Era," which I came up with myself.

We decided to start a business, but I had one problem. I was an international student, so I could start my own business, but I was not allowed to get paid for it. So, Angie offered me to live with her. She also offered to take care of my meals. I'll buy you everything you need on a daily basis, she said.

I'll buy you clothes, shoes, cosmetics. I'll even buy you little accessories. Because we need it for our business!

I would not have to pay rent and food and other living expenses.... It was quite an attractive proposition. I felt incredibly lucky for that alone.

In addition, Angie promised to keep my compensation legally until the day I graduate and can do business with my achievements. OMG! Her uncle, Rodney Kendall, is a lawyer, and Angie consulted with him about what to do about my compensation.

I followed Rodney's instructions on how to negotiate with the US government and what to do so that I could continue in the business after graduation. We consulted Rodney on many other things as well. Of course, at Leland Stanford Junior University, there are many professors and PhDs to consult, and our classmates were also very supportive. After all, the culture of helping each other grow is one of the best things about Leland Stanford Junior University. But for Angie, her father's younger brother, Rodney Kendall, was the best person to talk to. Rodney continues to serve as legal counsel for "Nu-Era Pics" to this day and is available to Angie for advice.

Business was very interesting.

It is no surprise that Angie is strong when it comes to web-related technology. I had also followed Professor Joel Lewis' advice and studied ICT, so although I was no amateur, Angie was much better at it than I was, as we can never compete with someone who absorbs knowledge with an "Otaku/Geek" temperament.

My great strength was in analyzing numbers.

I kept track of the cash flow of "Nu-Era Pics," set up an investment strategy for tax purposes, and directed the transfer of money. So I had a perfect idea of how much the rewards were stacking up now for me in the future, and I was excited to see it build up.

Can you understand?

In other words, from the beginning, "Nu-Era Pics" was a company that was always looking for good investments beyond simply building websites for its clients. Of course, that aspect didn't really take off until after we graduated from Leland Stanford Junior University.

And I think I was good at web design. It was probably something I cultivated by taking old clothes apart and reassembling them. I also developed a sense of Japanese beauty through the "Kado (flower arrangement) Club", which was also quite useful. I think I was better at responding to customer requests for something calm and serene. Oh, it's beautiful. There is serenity. This is ZEN. I was often told in that way. On the other hand, I was sometimes told, "Give me something flashy, like a Kabuki play, please," LOL.

Even in the middle of the night we worked. We were still students. So, with a sense of DIY fun similar to the days when Toko and I worked on the "SINGER" sewing machine, we worked hard on the website that Angie and I were contracted to build. Our room was not large. But it was fun. Just as Madonna ate popcorn in New York City while dreaming of her future success, we ate snacks, talked about our dreams, and worked hard. Our business was such a small, small thing in the beginning.

We were not convinced that "Nu-Era Pics" was going to grow big, even though we worked like crazy, even in the middle of the night, but we thought that if we just started the business and experienced the business, we would have the next opportunity to use it as a springboard for bigger growth. In other words, after a certain stage, we would sell the "Nu-Era Pics" business and start up again. That's what we were thinking. But things exploded so much, and the "Nu-Era Pics" business was doing so well, that we didn't have time to start thinking about selling "Nu-Era Pics". We needed more manpower, so we asked some of our classmates to join us in this project. My days at Leland Stanford Junior University were spent studying in a good environment and also doing good business.

In 1997 we graduated from Leland Stanford Junior University. The day after I graduated I bought a "Schlesinger" 115. It was the briefcase used by Tess McGill, the secretary played by Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl". I used to listen to a lot of singer-songwriter albums to practice my English hearing, and Carly Simon's third album "No Secrets" released in 1972 was one of my favorite albums, so I was happy to hear her "Let The River Run" used as the theme song for "Working Girl". When I hear that song, it makes me want to "get it done"!

I bought this bag because I was determined to succeed in business. Because Angie supported my daily life, I was able to keep the money my grandfather sent me. That is why I was able to buy these expensive bags! By this time we no longer had the idea of selling our "Nu-Era Pics" business for a good price. I was convinced that "Nu-Era Pics" was the big stage on which I dreamed of standing as a very successful one. Now, I needed to stay in the United States. I must continue to work in the United States and earn the right to be well compensated. To that end, I took action as Rodney Kendall envisioned. I had a good track record. I had done so much for the state and the commonwealth that the United States was willing to accept me as an outstanding business person. And Angie was willing to hand over my reward.

Without the wisdom of Rodney Kendall, it would have been difficult, but certainly my contributions to "Nu-Era Pics" have been rewarded. I had arrived at a position to pay taxes to the United States and the State of California.

Well, our business expanded further and further.

We were a small website development company started by just two people, but once we received an order to produce a website, we needed to manage the maintenance of the website. This meant that we were in charge of marketing. This naturally led us to play the role of management consultants to our clients, which eventually led to us being approached to participate in joint projects. "Nu-Era Pics" was already involved in several big projects when we graduated. We went out on a limb.

We made some incredible acquisitions in rapid succession. It was called "Seiten-No-Heki-Reki," which is the Japanese translation of "a bolt from the blue". The "Nu-Era Pics" movement was sensationalized in "Forbes," "Fortune," "BusinessWeek," "The Wall Street Journal," and elsewhere.

We got a lot of lucrative investment information, and both the company and the individuals were very successful. Frequently, people older than us with entrepreneurship visited "Nu-Era Pics" with pitch decks, some of which joined our Portfolio and went IPO. As my grandfather said, by supporting them with investments, we made possible solutions to problems that had never occurred to me.

I wrote frequently to his grandfather, Tatsuo Tsukida, while I was still in university, and I corresponded frequently with Professor Joel Lewis via e-mail, and eventually my grandfather began to send me e-mails using his computer. Manoel de Oliveira, a Portuguese filmmaker, was over 100 years old when he exchanged e-mails with Shigehiko Hasumi, a Japanese film critic. Passionate people are always young and have no fear of learning new things. Tatsuo Tsukida was no different. For me, Tatsuo Tsukida and Joel Lewis were mentors in business, and for "Nu-Era Pics", they were management consultants. Their words gave me a strong sense that we were doing well.

However, my grandfather passed away on July 15, 1998. His death was due to sudden ischemic heart disease. My mother tried to notify me by international phone call to my home, but I was in New York for work. I could not reach her, so my younger brother e-mailed me and that is how I learned of my grandfather's death. I was unable to return to Yokohama, however, as I was packed with client meetings during the week. I was heartbroken with grief. I was sad, sad, sad. But I decided rather to concentrate on my work. For example, Kabuki actors who have lost someone who was their father/master, but continue to perform on stage without showing their grief. I decided to do the same. I decided to do my best to live up to my grandfather's expectations of me. I had not yet fully repaid my grandfather the full cost of my study abroad. The rest I would have to pay back to my grandmother, Naoe. Faced with the fact that someone was going to die, I knew I needed to pay my grandmother back as soon as possible. My grandparents lived not far from my parents' house. It would not be difficult for my mother to go and check on my grandmother, who was left all alone. However, my grandmother would not be alive forever either, so I needed to return the money that was supposed to support her life as soon as possible.... So, I decided not to cry in order to keep moving forward. Even though I did not have to make such a decision, I decided not to cry and made one business meeting after another here in New York. I was lonely. At that time, my beloved secretary, Rachel Hayashibara, was not yet part of "Nu-Era Pics". I tried to forget the sadness of losing my grandfather by immersing myself in my work alone.

Eventually I returned to San Francisco, not to Yokohama. Then I found a letter in my mailbox from Montana. It was from Professor Joel Lewis' wife, Ethel, informing me that he had collapsed from a subarachnoid hemorrhage in his laboratory at the University of Montana College of Business and that he had passed away completely too late. It was July 18. It was during my stay in New York.

It was during this period that I experienced for the first time in my life the feeling of being "heartbroken with grief". However, I did not cry when I heard of the passing of Professor Joel Lewis, perhaps because I had made a very strong decision not to cry upon hearing the news of my grandfather's death. To be more precise, I probably did not cry. In other words, I have very vague memories of that day. I mean that I was stunned. I can't even remember if I ate or drank anything. But I do remember that I went to work the next morning. And I kept working. The Japanese ceremony of burning the body in a crematorium and placing the remaining remains in a grave takes place 49 days after the death of the deceased. During that time, the remains were laid to rest by my grandmother Naoe in her home. I did not participate in the ceremony to place my grandfather's remains in the grave as well as the funeral.

As an immature 20-something, it was very dangerous for me to make the decision not to cry, and then not to participate in all the rituals of my grandfather's funeral, where I could cry. I continued to work without my mentor, and I began to lack spiritual balance. The decision to forget my grief also forbade me from experiencing rich, positive emotions such as joy. On the other hand, I began to feel anger more frequently. From that time on, I became unusually concerned about what our competitors were up to. I was angered by news of their success, and I would crush them to the ground whenever I had the chance. "Nu-Era Pics" was surrounded by enemies, and somehow the obsession that if I didn't do something, I would be beaten began to take over. This was a dangerous sign, yet the numbers for "Nu-Era Pics" were pretty good, so we were successful and seemed to have no problems.

I moved three times in San Francisco, and each move was like raising the Tower of Babel. I was known in the business world as "Successful Yukiko Shimada", or "Princess from the Land of the Rising Sun". I was also known as "HIMIKO," "Jin-Gu-Ko-Go," an ancient Japanese queen, or, with the utmost malice, "Tsuji-Giri OYUKI," a name that made me look like a skilled assassin. My rivals feared me to the core, and my allies, on the contrary, always sought my opinion, and only after hearing it did they proceed or retreat hastily. I will tell you the story of how I was given the infamous name "Tsuji-Giri OYUKI" at a later time. This name tormented me at first, but later became the name that saved me.

Yes, of course. I understand exactly what you are saying. In other words, this me, who was surely maligned behind my back as a Japanese "narrow-eyed, yellow-skinned bitch," would not have succeeded in this United States of America without my comrades. Angie Kendall has protected me so that I could use my talents to the fullest. She is my business partner, my guardian angel, and above all, my best friend.

There is a movie that Angie and I share a fondness for called "Rich and Famous," George Cukor's last film from 1981, starring Jacqueline Bisset and Candice Bergen. The film was released in Japan in the winter of 1982, I believe. I watched a lot of American movies to practice my English, so I watched "Rich and Famous" at the movie theatre, although I was then 9 years old, probably a little too young to understand the content. Movie theaters in Japan at that time did not have a changeover system. They showed "Rich and Famous" repeatedly throughout the day, and I probably saw it four times. It is about a female friendship that changes over the years, and I later recorded it on videotape when it was shown on TV and watched it many times. In other words, it's my favorite, favorite movie. When I was a student at "Leland Stanford Junior University," I found a used videotape in town and happily bought it. Then I watched it with Angie. She didn't know about it, but she loved it. We saw our future in Jacqueline Bisset and Candice Bergen.

My friendship with Angie and I has changed in form, but we have yet to have a crisis. If our friendship ever reaches a crisis, Angie and I will watch "Rich and Famous" together and then we will discuss it. Now, I wanted to bring Angie Kendall a huge fortune as well. I am very grateful to her, so I focused on business and kept working single-mindedly. She was my best friend, my second to none, and she helped me forget my grief over the loss of my grandfather and Professor Joel Lewis. For her, I worked hard and kicked the competitors to the curb. My mental state was dangerous, but thanks to Angie Kendall's support and her leadership of the employees, my behavior did not bring "Nu-Era Pics" to the point of crisis. That is why I was not aware of my spiritual crisis. So, I just kept working.

But in the 2000s the business wars began to wear me down….

I don't mind looking at the numbers of my customers, competitors, and of course my own company every day. I even find it interesting. Balance sheets and cash flow statements. EBITDA. What does the "acid-test ratio" look like? What does the "AR aging list" look like? I have never been weary about analyzing these numbers. I was thrilled to see innovative pitch decks of challenging ventures and new project presentation notes. However, that was "in the beginning". That is, it was before my grandfather and Professor Joel Lewis passed away. After that, I stopped being excited. I became infinitely less and less joyful anyway. Still, it was important to put a smile on my face for the sake of the business, and I did. Despite my increasing outbursts of anger, I tried very hard, very hard, to smile in front of my employees and in front of my clients. I took it for granted and never felt "tired" about it.

But thinking about what to wear tomorrow, for example, was very exhausting….

Yesterday I wore Tom Ford's GUCCI. Today I wear Christian Dior by John Galliano. Then tomorrow? Will I wear MANOLO BLAHNIK today pumps or MICHEL PERRY?

I have to beat others by borrowing the power of high-end brands/Luxury brands, and I have to get ahead in business at any cost. For this reason, I dressed up and made myself look tens of thousands of times more intimidating, and attended charity parties where successful people gathered, with my back straight and my chest out. Here, in addition to my good looks, I had to impress the crowd with the amount of money I could donate. I had to have enough money in my pocket at all times to give away these large donations with an angel's face and without a flutter in my heart, so I had to invest in securities and real estate to increase my assets. So, in my spare time, I met with my investment advisor.... Money! Money! Money!!!!

I'm a Material Girl!

I was tired of living like that….

Such a state of my body and mind obviously affects business. Fortunately, I have not made any major errors in judgment, but I have seen a decrease in reaching the numbers that I had planned. I am not in business alone. The livelihood of Angie Kendall, co-founder of "Nu-Era Pics", my executives and employees, and business partners at other companies is at stake, and I cannot afford to make bad decisions. I tried my best to act like I was passionate about the business, but at home, in minor situations, I began to make different mistakes than I had in the past. For example, I hit my little toe on something and injured it. No, I didn't break the bone. LOL. What I used to do was spill food and stain my clothes. I dropped some plates and cups on the floor and broke them. I even cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I am a very tidy and love of cleanliness, and I love to clean my room on my days off, but I noticed many times that there was dust in the corners of my room that I had never seen before. I was also caught speeding. Frustrated, I ate something one after another, began to gain weight, and felt sad when I saw my face. I don't eat because it tastes good; rather, I simply eat even though it doesn't taste good. Then the appliances in my home would start to break down. The state of the human mind is accurately reflected in what we experience. It is very interesting. But I was lucky. This meant that I was only hurting at home myself. The fact that my actions caused a serious downside to the lives of my fellow "Nu-Era Pics" members did not happen until the very end of my days at "Nu-Era Pics". However, I do feel bad for "Nu-Era Pics" during this time. I know many of them resent me for yelling at them. I was grateful to have them angry with me. There are those who said that to me and have continued to contribute to "Nu-Era Pics" since then. But there are also many who quit.

Why was I so angry at that time? I know now that it was obviously due to the fact that I was bullied and "ignored" after the summer vacation of the first year of middle school, and that the members of the track and field club destroyed my Sony "Walkman" and the cassette tape of Madonna that was in it. However, at this time I had forgotten about it. In other words, there was a "shadow" affecting my psychological aspect that I was not easily aware of because it was inscribed in my "subconscious" mind.

By the way, in August 2000, Madonna had hit it big with "MUSIC," which would be considered the most important single of her career, comparable to "Holiday" and "Vogue," but I was so busy that I had never been to a single Madonna concert while in the United States.

When I was a student, I used to arrange my own clothes. But now I rely on High-end brands/Luxury brands.... It was not supposed to be like this.

God, I want to do DIY and patchwork again.... God, I miss that Montana air and water so much.... Is this me now? Is it me? Isn't something different? Isn't something wrong? When I was crazy about Madonna's music, I tried to be different from everyone else. But I was doing all the common-sense things that everyone else was doing to succeed in the business world....

I began to thinly realize my emotional problems and dissatisfaction with the status quo....

#TheYukkinStory

Continued story : Sentimental Education - The day repressed emotions flared up. -

©Mitsuhiro Toda@Screenwriter Group Aquariusera